'Tis not the end but genesis.

Well...I have been MIA for QUITE some time. That's not to say that life has not had plenty of things to blog about. There have been a surplus of lovely bloggable days, but non felt justifiable at the moment. I apologize ahead of time for how intense my posts have been lately. Apparently, I feel things with intensity.

Anyways, some of you are aware of what has been happening with my nephew, Morgan. I believe it was the Monday of September 19th that he fell into the pool and was life-flighted to the hospital. Since then, this very precious 3 year old boy has been the focus of my prayers and the back of all my thoughts. It is true that empathy for this situation can only truly be achieved once you have held your very own child in your hands. But I had wished some times that I didn't have to imagine it.

We visited for a week. The whole family came together and waited. He received some beautiful priesthood blessings, all of which included him being healed. My husband's blessing especially stands out in my mind. I have seen him grow from that responsibility. The whole day of travel to Arizona he fasted, prayed, and prepared. By the time we saw Morgan for the first time and Jace gave him the blessing he was weak to the core. It was a reminder to me that a blessing comes from Heavenly Father, and we must be willing to submit to his will.

We asked for His will often. And all felt that his will was for us to see a miracle; for a nearly dead boy to raise. The out pour of support has been overwhelming. Garage sales, bake sales, auctions, and direct donations were all given to aid Jenedy and Victor with the hospital bills. These random acts of great kindness have taught me that the world is full of really good people, and I often don't give them enough credit.

Jenedy and Victor lived in the hospital. The entire span of months he was there, he was never alone in the room for a second. His body suffered some very grueling pain, but throughout the process, there were tender mercies. He would be able to sleep for a full 36 hours, get a shower, take a nap with his little brother. They were able to remove enough equipment so that his parents could hold him.  Not to mention, the tender mercies distributed throughout the family. In short, we have all grown closer to our faith in God and learned to be a little better and love a little deeper.

On November 12th, two days ago, Victory Morgan finally passed away. I still believe he had been given the power to be healed, but I also believe that Heavenly Father gives us to the right to choose. He chose to be an angel to his family.

We all have our struggles, but it is what we choose to do with them that matters. I choose to allow this to make me believe in a life after death, a life where families can be together forever. I am so grateful I had a concept of where we go after this life from a very early age. I choose to hold those that I love a little closer than usual and appreciate beautiful memories. 

For those of you that had prayed for this special little boy, thank you. It meant something.

At my grandfather's funeral, I sang this song with my sister and cousins. It is based on a poem written by Prophet Gordon B. Hinckley. It too was sung at his funeral. It has always given me great comfort.

What is this thing that men call death?
This quiet passing in the night?
‘Tis not the end but genesis
Of better worlds and greater light

O God, touch Thou my aching heart
And calm my troubled, haunting fears
Let hope and faith, transcendent, pure
Give strength and peace beyond my tears.

There is no death, but only change
With recompense for vict’ry won
The gift of Him who loved all men
The Son of God, the Holy One.

 

 'Tis not the end, but genesis. We'll be seeing you again Mr. Morgan!

The suspense is killing you: House.

So, here's the story. Sometime around January 2010 Jace and I went to the temple. There's a video on that link that explains the temple, but to put it simply, it is a very sacred place...in fact it is the MOST sacred place on earth. After I was sealed (married) to Jace in the temple I could begin going back. It is a place to be with the Lord, to find peace, to ask for help and to find answers. Jace and I go at least once a month. Anyways, I came with the same question I had been asking since September 2009 when we moved in with my parents: "When am I going to have my own home?" The outlook of that question didn't seem soon. People feel the spirit in many different ways. I always feel my lungs fill up, like I just got an extra breath of air, and then I hear an answer in my head. As clear as day, I heard "You will get a home by September. You will look for homes over the summer." Tears streamed down my face and since then I have had a glimmer of hope. 

When I told Jace, quite frankly, he didn't know what to think. He didn't get an impression like I did, but he tried his best to be supportive. He said that if we did get a house that soon it would be because I had that much faith. 

 

We went through the rest of winter, then spring, then summer...and finally in August we were looking at homes. Jace felt it too. We looked at a lot of homes, mostly old ones that we would need to fix up. I fell in love with one that definitely was in need of love, but we didn't make an offer and the next time we went looking it was under contract. I was getting a little less hopeful. AND THEN, our realtor remembered a friend that was building new homes in the area. 

Boom. We are getting a brand new home with all the things we want. It has been two whole years living with my parents, and honestly, it's been amazing. I just love them and our newly born friendship. But in just three short months, that plot of land we just signed on two days ago will become this. 

Out of the dust.

The concept of "struggles" has been going through my mind lately. My little sister is home from college just for a moment. She asks me questions about marriage and motherhood, which in all honesty, many are not answered the way she would like. Much of raising a child and living as a companion involves struggle. In fact, A LARGE CHUNK OF LIFE INVOLVES STRUGGLES! Why? Yes, there is the standard "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger"....but we choose to get married and have children.

 So why is it so worth it? How do I explain to those who haven't been there?

The answer to our temporary moments of suffering:

“Success is sweet and sweeter if long delayed and gotten through many struggles and defeats."
 -Amos Bronson Alcott 


It is in those moments where time stops for a second, and you realize how far you have come. 

When you open your eyes and see a beautiful little girl snuggled against you. 

And all those sleepless nights and tears of frustration make it that much sweeter. 

I have someone very close to me who has suffered what I would consider a great deal in their lifetime. I have spent much of that time feeling sorry for them and wishing they could escape their heartache. Recently, they felt another large blow and I thought it would knock them down for good. But then... I was completely wrong. He has lifted up, out of the dust. I feel as if I am witnessing a miracle. And all those heart wrenching experiences sink below him. 

The more pain we feel, the more rewarding is our triumph. 

Tucked in the Memory Jar.

This is a post I should have done a while ago while it was fresh in my mind, but oh well...you get my slopping second thoughts. ;)

There are moments in life that are "seemingly" unforgettable. They are the best days of our lives. Days like our wedding day,  babies being born, graduations, and so on. I would venture on the pessimistic side to say that even these days could be forgotten. We just get lucky because we reflect on them often enough for hope and encouragement on the rainy days. We tuck them away in our Memory Jar and pull them out when we need to be infused with light once again.

Well, two weeks ago from yesterday, I added another one to the jar.

Background:
August 30th 2008, Jace and I tied the knot. It was memory jar worthy. We moved into our quiant condo in Rexburg and began living life. Jace felt the enterprenuial bug and asked that I support him in starting a branch of my brothers' airsoft business. I did with fullness of heart. This boy has been told from birth that he is going to be something great. I have always known this to be true. In fact, I worried that he would become so successful right off the bat that we would be rolling in money up to our eyeballs and not get the satisfactoin of learning to love and play without money in our pockets. Don't worry, my wish totally came true.

Did you know that you usually don't make money the first two years when starting a business? And that's if you get lucky! We were no exception. I worked my tail off at the nursing home so we could make ends meet. Jace and I would ride our bikes everywhere to save money; WE EVEN MADE OUR OWN LAUNDRY DETERGENT. After school and work, we would come home exhausted. I would be lying if I said we were content...but the crazy thing is that we were so incomprehensibly happy. We would stay up all night watching T.V series all the way through (Friends, Lost), we took in stray cats, went camping in non-camping approved areas, fed our dear starving-student friend, promoted concerts, wrote oodles of music, and laughed constantly.

Two semesters before I was to graduate college Jace felt a strong impression for us to move back home WITH MY PARENTS to Colorado so he could finish his degree at the Art Institute of Colorado. Chunk of change comparison of BYU-I to Art Institute? It's like comparing apples and mountains. But I did it. Because this boy has been told from birth that he is going to be something great. And I still know it to be true.


Somehow, I finished school just in the knick of time before Jadyn Lynn Harmer made an apperance. I left my job at a very delightful design firm and happily took on the new me. Things have changed. But after a while, it wasn't enough change for me. Jace and I only grew stronger as a couple through parenthood. But I have felt an ache to see what was next for us. I wanted to have a place to call my own again. I kept looking at pictures of us in that little condo we fit in so well. It was our place and I was good at making it feel warm for visitors.

Jace has been working day in and day out to support us. Did I mention he has been doing this while going to school full time? He hasn't slept much. When he came to me for support in finding a full time job I was torn. Yes, I want the picket fence and the obnoxious dog waking up the neighbors. But I also didn't want Jace to suffer anymore sleepless nights. Because let's face it, we're still kids! And students at that! But for some reason, we have always felt the need to move fast. It's a pace we're very comfortable with. So I said I would support him. Because this boy has been told from birth that he is going to be something great. And I had seen that confidence in this truth slowly dim. He was starting to believe that maybe he wasn't. I still knew.

He had an interview with a company he fell in love with--didn't get the job.
He had more interviews.
He had job offers--with terrible pay and boring tasks.
He interviewed with the same company he fell in love with again for a difference position. They said the position had been put on hold. Later that day, they emailed him again and told Jace that because HE was applying, they had made a decision to open the position again.

Memory Jar Moment:
And two thursdays ago, we got the call. Jace got his dream job.

I almost jumped right over him. Tears of joy immediately streamed down our faces as we hugged and kissed and screamed in excitement. This was the moment that we all knew would happen. When someone would see Jace for the man that he is. The truth is, he is already something great. He certainly didn't need a job to tell him that.

But he comes home from work every day with a huge grin on his face. He knows what I have always known. And we now have a means to an end. It will be over two years when we finally move out of my parents' home. I believe we broke some record, aside from single guys living in the basement playing videogames...they don't count.

It's a bittersweet feeling. Truthfully, it will be hard to say good bye. Most kids don't get to know their grandparents as well as Jadyn. It's special. And I have loved it. But I do feel some movement happening soon. It will probably be another moment for the Memory Jar.

Father's Day

It was an AWESOME father's day for Daddy. I got a picture of him and Jadyn that I just adore printed on a canvas, made him breakfast in bed, wrote him notes and gave him looks of admiration all day long.

And if that wasn't enough, Jadyn took her first steps that night. 

Day Three Hundred and Sixty Five: Happy Birthday Jady!

Well...I made it to one year...sorta.
It has been an incredible year to say the least. When I was newly wed I discovered that having a husband makes you evaluate your personality all the time. I had qualities that I didn't even know existed. Some good...some not so good.
When you have a child, that personal reflection gets magnified even more. You are molding an entire person with what you have made of yourself. Talk about pressure! I have learned that there are things I need to work on. But I have also learned that I can be a much better person than I give myself credit for. Despite my weaknesses, I am a good mother. I have grown as rapidly as her. And the longer I am a mother, the more my focus shifts. I no longer need to wear the latest fashion, hang out in the coolest places, or be around the most beautiful people. I no longer view sleep as something I'm entitled to, or my time, or my talents. They are all for my family. And I'm happy to give it all up for them.

We threw a little celebration for her birthday. And ya, I didn't think I was 

OOTM (one of those moms) but you couldn't possibly understand how 

much there is to celebrate until you see your child grow before your own 

eyes every day. It's amazing. It's completely indecribable. 

It was great to enjoy the day with friends and family. 

Some of the happiest moments of my life: the first time I met her, 

the first time she rolled over, sat up on her own, crawled, smiled, 

laughed, said "MaMa"... are all wrapped up in this little girl. 

Happy birthday my sweetheart. 

In between: My Day

This was my first official Mother's Day. Because I had my baby in

my arms this years versus in my belly. It was wonderful. I felt very

loved and appreciated...It also happened to be my Dad's birthday. 

That Sly Dog! I let it slide and we all shared. Him and Jace made 

my mom and I breakfast, and we made him a scrumptious dinner. 

In Between: Easter

I couldn't let the year go by without mentioning some of the wonderful Holidays

we got to experience with Jadyn. I have been waiting all my life for this!

We colored eggs. Jadyn smashed hers. A very artistic touch. 

I picked out things for her basket with all the resistance in the world. 

Somehow she still got spoiled. 

But then again...can you blame me?

She's a good sharer.

At the end of the day I came out with the spirit of Easter. It is placed 

around such a symbolioc time of year. It is the beginning of Spring.

Everything is new and pure and beautiful. My religion puts a lot 

of emphasis on the resurrection of the Savior on this day. Just as the

Spring he rose again as a new, pure, beautiful being. And so can 

we if we take advantage of the beautiful gift he has given us. 

I watched my sweet little girl go through all the festivities in 

complete wonder. Everything was new to her. She knows 

nothing, but what I show her at this point in her life. We

may not all be religious that read this blog, but I believe we can 

all appreciate a new beginning. And that is what Easter is all about. 

If you are interested about learning more of Christ here's a fabulous

video from our Prophet talking about the message of Easter. 

In Between: Things we missed

Sure, I failed a bit at remembering the details of every single day, but there are a few things that I do remember we did that were quite fun.

We discovered "Denver Free Days" So we were totally

 front and center of Free Day at the Botanic Gardens. 

There was a month where I could tell Jace just could not get

enough of his super cool wife. He kept thinking of all these 

things to do together such as disc golf. Of course, he's awesome. 

Me? Not so much. 

We were a bit late on sending out our Christmas cards a.k.a there 

was a large pile of newsletters and pictures in my closet that I 

needed gone. So we made some fancy Valentines and sent them 

out a little late. It was a fun craft for us to do together. 

I had the opportunity to be the second photographer for our ward's

Girl's Camp fundraiser. In other words, I tripled my portfolio. 

It was awesome working with my very talented friend. 

Of all the shoots, I must say this little guy was the most entertaining. 

Ya, I'm still sewing. This is a baby blanket I did for my friend. 

We also went to the Zoo. Jace has been begging me. 

I don't mind. The Zoo is wonderful. 

And in case you were wondering, Jadyn is still adorable. 

Day Three Hundred and Thirty one to Sixty: 11 months

One word can describe this month: Messy
I always looked at the children with the guck all over their face and I made a mental promise to never be one of those moms. Ha! There's no avoiding it. Kids are messy. You bring solid food into the picture and there's just no stopping them.

Highlights:
-Getting even better at crawling
-Everyone is now "DaDa."
-She calls for "DaDa" in the morning...and I am not DaDa
-She has gained an obsession for strawberries.
-She loves to run away from me once I have pulled her diaper off during a change

Day Three Hundred and One to Three Hundred and Thirty: 10 Months

What a fun month! Jadyn learned how to crawl. Well...sorta. She drags one leg along while the other one does all the work. Point is, she is moving in an upright position and fast.

Hightlights for this month:
-Crawling, duh!
-Whenever we go outside Jadyn manages to find a rock to lodge down her
throat for me to snake out later.
-She LOVES looking at herself in the mirror. Every morning Jace pulls her out of bed they first look at themselves in the mirror. I guess I know where she gets her vanity from.
-Also, her hair gets more awesome all the time.

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-Nine to Three-hundred: 9 Months

You guessed it. I surrender. We have celebrated Jadyn's first birthday and I am STILL in the 9 months days here. So I must condense...because I must finish...because I'm crazy.

The Highlights of the 9th month:
-Jadyn rolls both ways like a pro and has discovered it is a very fast form of travel aside from the diagonal direction.
-She loves boxes.
-She is rocking on her hanches to tease me into thinking she's about to crawl. But no...
-She has mastered the art of the pout.
-And she finds her feet amuzing.

Isn't it crazy that our love continues to grow as they get older and older? She gets more irresistable all the time! Eventually I expect to be put into a Jadyn coma. I will lose the will to eat, drink or sleep. All I will be able to do is stare at her and drool a little.

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-Eight: Gooood Morning

She requires a show almost every single morning. What have I done to my child? I blame sleep deprivation. I like taking naps while she watches and claps. Yes I rhymed, with purpose.

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-Seven: Computer Savy

No wonder each new generation continues to get more and more technologically capable. We hand our phones to our infants, let them play with remotes, and give them some good pounding time on the keyboard.

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-Six: Pulls ups

She's starting to get more brave and pull herself up in her crib. So cool. Time to lower the crib.

Also, I don't get laundry folded too often anymore. 

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-Five: Oh Sweet Morning

On the mornings that Jace does not have school and has not been up all night working, he takes Jadyn in the morning so I can sleep. I love it more than I can describe, but I am sad that I miss out on one of the sweetest times of day for this little darling...I'm still sleeping in. 

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-Five: Strummin