Day Eight: Light!

I prayed really hard the night before that things would get better. I prayed really hard again this morning that somehow I could be changed that day and be able to be the mother I wanted to be. I hadn't gotten any sleep. Jaxon was up every two hours.
But then I pulled him into bed and looked at his sweet face. We went into Jadyn's room and I just melted watching her snuggled in bed, singing to herself.

And just like that today was better. It was perfect.

Day Seven: One week and ready to surrender.

This was my first official day on the job as "mother of two". Everyone had gone home. I woke up with a ball full of hormones and a dose of anxiety to go with it. I tried controlling everything Jadyn did around Jaxon. I cried about everything. If milk had spilled...I would have cried.

I got ambitious and decided that we need to get out of the house. We first went to the park, where a crazy wind storm broke out about 20 minutes later. So we headed to the store to take back some things. Jadyn held on to the stroller and stayed by my side like an angel the first two stores. I was feeling pretty good. Then there was Kohl's. I knew this would be more of a challenge because we were going to have to walk all the way to the back of the store where they do returns. Oh wait, where they DID returns. Walking all the way back to the front of the store got Jadyn's two year old juices flowing. She wanted to touch everything, grab everything, run ahead of me as fast as she could, then refuse to move at all. The only motivation I could think of was a promise to buy her a toy after we were done returning things (she had put up with my blubbering self all day after all).

After much debate over bubbles versus a giraffe, she picked a stuffed sheep. In the check out line she twirled to the side of me and tossed her sheep in the air, giggling the whole time. After the day we had been through I didn't have the heart to stop her for the sake of the scowling customers behind me (remember I was emotional. They were probably smiling too). And then SMACK! Her face met the tile. I rushed over to her and pulled her into my arms where I was greeted with a bloody mouth. Her lips began swelling immediately.  For about 45 seconds, my body with a weird tango motion as I held her, tried to push the stroller, and decided whether or not to buy the sheep or run to the hospital. All I had was a burp cloth so I shoved it in her sippy cup and let her suck on it to stop the bleeding. I called my mom, crying (duh) and she snapped me back into reality. I did not need to go to the hospital, her lip was fine. I needed a Popsicle! As I folded the stroller to put it back in the car, I found a pile of merchandise Jadyn had stashed. So I drove as close the front door as I could, ran inside and threw the clothes at the cashier, muttering an apology as I ran out again.

The drive home was just as frustrating. Whatever lane I was in was always the opposite side of the store with popcicles. I finally made it to a drive thru and asked for a kid's size cone. They handed me the most giant ice cream cone I ever saw. But it had to be done, so I handed the abnormally large ice cream to those two pudgy hands that could barely hold it up. Jadyn was instantly happy. All the way home I heard "UH OH! Dropped it. " "Okay, got it" "Uh Oh!"....and so on. The car seat was covered.
I gave her a bath and put her to bed. She fell asleep clutching her bag of ice I told her to suck on.

And that was the end of week one. No pictures.

Day Six

Aunt Kami and my beautiful niece, Weslyn stopped by for a visit. She also came to pick up Jace's parents, my last batch of the family support line. I got pretty worried about my capabilities once they left, but the rest of the day panned out smoothly.

I am overcome by how tiny he is. With Jadyn to compare to he is just so small and delicate.

Looking out his window again.

Day Five

He has found a favorite place on the couch where he can look out the window.

Jadyn is very concerned about the fact that he really doesn't like pacifiers. She tries to educate him.

Day Four

 

We let Jadyn "hold" Jaxon. It's all she wants to do now.

Missa+ Jadyn= total BFFs

Day Three: Released!

We were going home! They needed us to stay until 4pm, so we were ready to go at 4 on the dot. Jace especially was chompin at the bit to bring our little boy home and jump back into reality. It was good to leave that room and inhale some fresh air again.

Day Two: Our Incubator

I was tested positive for GPS. It's a bacteria that can be very harmful to the baby if not treated with antibiotics ahead of time. This is a pretty standard thing, so they had my antibiotics ready when I got to the hospital. The catch is that they have to be in for at least 4 hours before baby arrives. I wasn't even in the hospital for 4 hours before Jaxon made his debut. So we were forced to wait out 48 hours in the hospital so he could be monitored.

It was hard not to be able to go home. I wanted to be with Jadyn. But I also appreciated the alone time I had with my little guy. Jace spent the day working in the yard with my family. So it was just him and I. The nurse watched him while I took a shower. We relaxed and snuggled and stared at each other. It was wonderful. 

Day One: A Birth Story

 One day overdue and I had literally tried everything reasonable to convince the boy to come...and I mean everything. That morning, I finally caved on the one thing I had promised myself never to do again--Castor Oil. It's like drinking a bottle of shower gel...not to mention the purpose of Castor Oil is really quite awful. But I relented and chugged that sucker before we headed out to walk me around for the day.

We went to breakfast and I began feeling pretty sick. I thought scarfing down some food would do the trick. It didn't do much, but we continued with our day. We headed to a car dealership to see what Jace's options were for a more "practical" car (a story for another day. Moral of it: My husband is just wonderful and always willing to adjust and let go). At this point I was so sick I had to sit in the car with Jadyn for about a half hour. Finally, Jadyn and I walked over and I handed her to the grandmas while we test drove some cars. I had been getting sporadic contractions for days now, but they were finally getting a stitch painful. As we were leaving, we joked with the salesman that we would be back that night unless I had a baby. The car ride home brought more intense, regularly spaced contractions. I laid on the couch when we got home and we counted the minutes. 4-5 minutes apart. So we put Jadyn down for a nap with the Grandmas and headed to the hospital.

I was still pretty calm when we got to the hospital. I just casually walked up to the desk and said "Hey, I'm having a baby." So they put me in a waiting bed and took their time asking me questions and filling out paperwork. I got a little nervous that they were just going to send me home. My contractions seemed to be slowing down. And then my water broke. The nurses were just as shocked as me. They rushed me to the delivery room...then calmed down again, assuming I still had hours. By this time, the contractions were painful. I was experiencing back labor. I'm not really sure why, but he was facing some position for me to feel it. REALLY feel it. I didn't go through this with Jadyn. I was so relaxed. They got my epidural in before any extreme pain came. But this time hurt. Jace said I still seemed pretty composed, but I felt like I was thrashing and screaming. He was my rock. Jadyn, my mom and mother-in-law arrived. When I heard my mom's voice out in the hall, I started to cry. I guess no matter how old you get, you still think your mom can take the pain away.  All three of them came in, but once I got another contraction I had my mother-in-law rush Jadyn out. I didn't want her to see me like this.

The anesthesiologist came in and gave me the whole schpeal. I didn't hear much. I didn't care. I just wanted to be relieved. There was barely a break between contractions and they just kept getting more intense and longer. Because of my scoliosis, it was a trick to get it in just right. The second I felt my feet tingle on my left side, I got a little loopy with euphoria.  That picture of me above gives a little taste of just how happy I was. My right side still felt most of it, but the edge was gone.  The doctor tried repositioning it a few times, but it still was lopsided. It was good enough for me. Maybe 5 minutes after I got my epidural, I told my mom that it felt like something was falling out of me. The nurses turned and an uproar of commotion happened. One ran out and grabbed a doctor in the hall to stand in until my doctor got there. They told me not to push, but I couldn't figure out how to do that! Because I could still feel on my right side, I felt that "urge to push". Two pushes later, he was out. I collapsed  and cried happy tears. They asked me what his name was and before I even looked at him (as we had planned on before officially settling on a name) I said Jaxon.

Altogether it was 4 hours of active labor. Half the time Jadyn took.

Jaxon Clyde was born at 5:35 pm, 8lbs 1 oz, 21.25 inches long.

The Name

Jadyn's name was picked long before she came, but the boy was much harder. We finally settled on calling him "Fred" while in my belly and then we would wait till we could get a good look at him. Just days before, we went through our list again and thought of what the middle name would be if we named him Jaxon. Jace was named after his uncle, James Clyde. He passed away in a river rafting accident when he was just my age. No one ever called him James. His initials "JC" became "Jacey". Hence, Jace was named after what his uncle was really known as.

Both of us aren't too keen on the idea of having two people with the same name in the house, so junior was never really an option. But Jaxon Clyde honored both Jace and his uncle. So I suppose it does mean we have two Jacey's in the house now.